smacky and bucky

Speaking of fear (see last post), specifically using fear for fun and profit...I detest the new On-Star commercials. At first, they marketed it as a cool toy. "Hey! I can use it as a phone! It will tell me where I am if I'm lost! It can unlock my car!" Now, well now they put little kids of all races and cultures in front of the camera and they ask questions as if the viewer were their parents. "Will you use it to help us when we're lost?" [C'mon kid, don't make it sound so pathetic. This isn't a toddler lost in the mall. It's you and your mommy trying to find the nearest Starbucks. Buck up.]

Of course, the worst one is "Will you use it to track the carjackers, with my little brother in the back?" WTF!?!?!? It's the whole duct tape scenario again. Buy On-Star or the terrorists will steal your minivan and your boy (Tyler, Toby, Dylan, Ethan, whatever sexually ambiguous soap opera name you shackled the kid with) will be in the back! Because you left the car running with the kid in the back while you popped into Starbucks for the mochachino, because you need a pick-me-up between play-group and book club.


Man, I'm on a roll. Sorry. I'm a little tense. This will pass.

If you do spell check, It recommends changing carjackers to churchgoers. I don't know what they're implying.

Tom Ridge got a cushy high-paying job on the board of Home Depot. After he told everyone to buy duct tape and plastic sheeting. What a surprise. My wife got so mad at me when I said it was stupid to buy that stuff because the Homeland Security Director tried to scare everyone with vague warnings. I may be cynical, but it all eventually comes to light. That weasel.

Our house--our house in the city--has increased in value faster than ever seemed possible. Our neighbors just sold their house for TWICE what they paid for it in 2002. They got $100,000 OVER their asking price. Let me repeat that: they got ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS over their asking price. You'd think the streets of our neighborhood were paved in gold. (I checked. They're not.) When we bought our place, it had been on the market for over six months. The kitchen was orange, they had wallpapered the dining room in silver (including the ceiling!), and the yard was completely overgrown. We didn't mind putting a little effort into the place, so we moved in. Now people are desperate for something in "move in" condition, and apparently banks are giving trashbags full of money away in loans, so people are willing to pay obscene amounts. So we're seriously considering selling our house and moving into a smaller place a little further away.

I've been reading spoilers about Revenge of the Sith. Why not? We know the basic story. The only question is how everyone will end up where they end up. I won't spoil anything here, so don't worry if you're anal about not hearing anything. I'm looking forward to it. I can't help it. I didn't like the first one at all, the second was better, and I hope the third will be the best. Lucas always gets me with his hype machine. Even though I know the best films in the Star Wars series were directed by other people. I always enter the theater hoping for the best.

I'm getting a sinus headache this morning, so I'm just trying to keep working and make it to the end of the day so I can go home and collapse. Nausea and rainy Monday mornings do not make for a conducive work combination.

I did a little demolition over the weekend. We have a small half-basement at our house, big enough for storage, but not the kind of room you'd willingly spend time in (the water heater and furnace in the corner don't make for much to look at). The room had been dominated by an enormous workbench the previous owner had assembled with scrap wood decades ago. A hammer and a crowbar--and a few hours later--and the entire thing was stacked in the backyard in tiny pieces. The previous owner made this ugly thing with permanence in mind. The legs of one half had been actually nailed into the wall with three-inch spikes. The room is now three times bigger. It's a nice feeling when I forget I did it, then open the door for some reason and the "Wow, this room's big!" feeling washes over me. Unlike the waves of nausea I feel when I turn my head too quickly this morning. Ugh.

At the next big event getting nationwide coverage, I'd like to stand among the protesters holding a sign. On one side, it would say I'M HOLDING A SIGN! and on the other it would say AND I'M MISSING WORK! I think it would be a treat for the viewers at home.

Last night, we saw someone in Florida holding a sign written in black marker that said "YOU DON'T STAVE A DOG." We had to pause Tivo to look closer at it to see the woman later went back with a regular pen and added a lower case r: YOU DON'T STArVE A DOG.

We're staying in town this weekend, just taking it easy. Looking forward to catching up on a few DVDs.

CD Recommendation: Brazilian Girls. None of them are from Brazil, and only one of them is a girl, but their music is a cool blend of different styles. Read the amazon reviews, as they can sum up the band for you. The band's name is something you probably want to avoid googling at work, as you'll likely get 5 million porn sites.

Simple treat: Wanting pancakes and bacon and going to a diner and getting it. For dinner. We did that last night. Breakfast for dinner is certainly not a new concept, but it still feels so foreign that for an instant, around the second bite, your entire being flip-flops and you have no idea where you are. Or is that just me?

So I remembered my lunch this morning, but when I arrived at work I realized I left my wedding ring on the sink. Oops. Sorry, honey.

I actually don't like starting sentences with "so," though I do it all the time. It implies you're continuing a previous conversation that had been momentarily interrupted. It gives me the urge to say outrageous things, like "So we've got the guy tied up and in the trunk, but I suddenly notice all the blood on my hands, and the waitress is staring at me with a 'you're not going to be a big tipper' look on her face..."

I picked up the Clone Wars DVD yesterday and watched it. I ended up missing most of the three minute episodes when they originally aired on Cartoon Network, so it was nice to be able to hit "play all" and see the entire series in a continuous, seamless hour. I was worried I'd have to watch credits every three minutes, but they cut them all out, which was considerate.

Final thought: The reason fanatics are so successful at getting their agendas across (and I mean people or groups of people fanatic about anything, sports, religion, evolution teaching, need for more speed bumps in a parking lot...anything) is because they are so motivated. They campaign, they write letters, they carry signs, they give good blurbs in news interviews, they quit their jobs and travel across the country to go where the story is taking place. Ordinary Americans simply can't muster the energy to get that riled up. Also, the fanatics campaign hard for change, and ordinary Americans, no matter how happy with the way things are, are not going to march in the streets and chant "Leave things the way they are! Completely content with the status quo!"

The dissenting judge on the three judge panel last night in the Terri Schiavo case is a Roman Catholic... and a CLINTON APPOINTEE. OMG! How will Fox News spin this? The last judge (James Whittemore) was obviously a liberal communist baby killer because he was a Clinton appointee and decided against the wishes of GW Bush. But this time? Should be interesting to watch the spin.

This case, already pathetic and sad all around, is actually starting to get even more strange:

One woman was arrested Tuesday for trespassing after trying to bring Schiavo a cup of water. (She can't swallow. Pouring water down her throat would have only suffocated her.)

I wish I could find the quote from Terri Schiavo's brother. Last night he compared his mother to Mary, how she had to stand by and watch Jesus die. Thus, his sister is Jesus. Ignoring the implied blasphemy here, it's sad that she's being set up as the right to life martyr. She's going to be a great political tool for years to come, and that shames her memory. Oh! And her parents said Terri's soul will be damned if she dies this way. That's right. God will damn her and send her to hell. I'm not exactly sure why, unless they think that if her wish had indeed been to discontinue life support, it is paramount to suicide.

It's always wise to err on the side of life. We all heard the President say that yesterday. When he was Governor of Texas, he approved the execution of 152 people in less than 6 years (sometimes three or four in single month). And this story from the Seattle Times:

In 1999, then-Gov. Bush signed the Advance Directives Act, which lets a patient's surrogate make life-ending decisions on his or her behalf. The measure also allows Texas hospitals to disconnect patients from life-sustaining systems if a physician, in consultation with a hospital bioethics committee, concludes that the patient's condition is hopeless.

Last week, with the permission of a judge, a Houston hospital cut off life support for a badly deformed 6-month-old baby last week against his mother's wishes after doctors determined that continuing life support would be futile. The baby died almost immediately.

All right. I'm not talking about this anymore. Pointing out that a politician is a hypocrite is like saying water is wet. Duh.

One final thing: I read an article in the New Yorker several years ago about a death row inmate in Arkansas when Clinton was Governor. This man shot and killed a police officer, and in the course of the shoot out, he took a bullet to the head. As a result, he was basically rendered mentally retarded. His execution eventually took place, and when they were cleaning out his cell afterwards, they found a piece of pecan pie. This inmate always saved his dessert from dinner to eat before he went to sleep. That means when he left his cell to go be executed, he thought he would return later to eat the pie from his last meal. That made me so sad. Setting aside all the facts, all opinions about the death penalty, this was just an incredibly sad situation. No one will win in the Terri Schiavo case.
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# posted by smacky @ 8:28 AM 2 comments

I spent so much time playing with my cat this morning that I had to rush out the door. When I got to work I realized I forgot my lunch. And "playing with my cat" is not a euphemism for anything. Don't be pervy.

I'm not going to say too much about the Terri Schiavo case, except to say that it gives way too many people an excuse to pontificate. Here's just a few of the events taking place at the same time Congress is meeting about this:

In the same state, Jessica Lunsford, a nine-year-old girl, was raped and murdered by a registered sex offender staying at his sister's house: within 150 feet from her house. Is this a loophole? Sex offenders register their home address, but neighbors of their relatives don't get the same warning. A sex offender could be staying with a cousin next door to you and you'd have no way of knowing.

Another U.S. soldier was killed in Iraq yesterday. The news gave it five seconds, and didn't bother saying his name.

Condoleezza Rice, expressing the views of the current administration, keeps making vague threats against countries developing nuclear programs. Today she said, "Of course if we cannot find a way to resolve the North Korean issue in this way (through six-party talks), then we will have to find other means to do it." She did not elaborate.

Here's a cynical voice talking (mine): Tom DeLay is very happy to talk about this, as it takes the focus of those nagging ethics violations people keep bringing up. He's been following a regular pattern of deny, deny, deny, and if that appears to be failing, charge that it's a partisan attack by sore-losing democrats, and if that doesn't seem to be taking, have Congress vote to change the ethics rules so you can keep your chairmanship while all these ethics violations are sorted out.

Finally, let's not forget the millions of Americans who would be healthy, with healthy bodies and brains, except that they don't have healthcare.

I wonder what side Congress would be on if Terri Schiavo's parents were Christian Scientists, and they were saying it's up to God to heal her, and it was her husband arguing to keep her alive through medical means. Christian Science is a recognized denomination, so the conflict would shift from a constitutional "right-to-life" argument to the classic separation of church and state. Anyway, this action from Congress is interesting because they aren't saying the all the Florida courts did anything wrong, or that the judges are all incompetent. They just don't like the decision repeatedly made.

There's a reason the Supreme Court refused to hear this. This could turn out to have long-range effects on the checks and balances system of the three branches of government [In this case, it's two branches (Congressional and Executive) overruling the third (Judicial)]; and it adds another layer to the issue of states' rights (which comes up every time a state wants to approve gay marriage or medicinal marijuana).

People much more knowledgeable about this case can speak in greater detail about it.

Just get a living will, everyone. No matter how young or healthy you are. Let your wishes be known, if only to spare your family from having to decide for you.

I'll return to more goofy stuff tomorrow.

PETA is mad at Jennifer Lopez because she continues to glamorize fur. I can’t get too worked up about it, because I’m far more offended by the fact that she keeps making shitty movies and music.

Ugh. I can’t believe I just spent five seconds thinking about Jennifer Lopez.

I emailed a friend I hadn’t spoken to in about a year, and she wrote back this morning apologizing for her delay in responding, but she’s working in Rwanda. As some of my friends from my Peace Corps days continue to strive to make the world a better place, I sit here writing about JENNIFER LOPEZ.

I feel like the most self-absorbed jackass this morning.

Big day in the California court system yesterday:

* Scott Peterson was given the death penalty for killing his wife and unborn son.

* Robert Blake was acquitted of murdering his wife.

Even Robert Blake has to admit it's a hell of a coincidence that a woman he didn't love, that he had felt pressured to marry, was eliminated in such a fashion while he was in a restaurant retrieving his gun. Now he's free of her, he has his daughter, and he's a free man.

During the Scott Peterson trial, my wife said jokingly "If you ever want to be rid of me, just divorce me. You don't have to kill me, okay?" And I said she was probably missing the point. For Scott Peterson, being rid of Laci was just the end result of what he really wanted to do, which was to kill her. In his mind, simply divorcing her wasn't an option, because she and the baby would still be around, and he wouldn't ever be free. (My view mostly comes from years of police dramas, and not from actually considering it myself. Honest! The conversation wasn't as dramatic and dark as it reads...) He's listed as the 644th person awaiting lethal injection in California, so he'll likely have decades of appeals to go through while he sits in prison.

Sorry this is such a morbid post. Let's change the subject, okay?

I watched all the extras on The Incredibles DVD last night. The secret files on all the superheroes were great. Each included a snippet of audio interview with the hero, part of the psychological profile. Astonishing how many of them were listed as deceased due to "suit malfunction." From watching the movie, we know that most of the heroes had actually been systematically hunted down and murdered by Syndrome. Yikes, it came back to death again. Sorry.

I plan to spend a good portion of the weekend priming and painting trim around windows and baseboards at our river house. I'm looking forward to it actually, which is why I volunteered to do it, even though Lala offered to hire someone to do it. Some jobs are easy enough that hiring someone to do them seems wrong.

Finally nearing the finish line on a big project at work.

My wife is out of town on business yesterday and today. What have I done so far, wild man that I am? I went to Wal-Mart and Home Depot, purchasing painter's tape, primer, paint, brushes, the widescreen version of The Incredibles, and a pack of chewing gum (peppermint). I ate leftover Chinese food and read a book, with two cats and a dog by my side. Woo-hoo! I also picked up the new CD from the Reverend Al Green (as he's labeled on the cover) called Everything's OK. If you don't own any Al Green, your life is missing something. You probably feel it sometimes too...kind of like "I'm not hungry...I'm not tired...what is it?" That void, my friend, is the Reverend Al Green missing from your music collection. The new CD is right at home next to his classic songs. And why shouldn't it be? It was produced by Willie Mitchell, his musical collaborator from the old days of Call Me, Let's Stay Together, and Love and Happiness. Highly recommended.

I'm reading the John Carter of Mars trilogy by Edgar Rice Burroughs (who also created Tarzan). All three titles in one book for under $9 at Barnes & Noble. Here's his bio, taken from the book:

Born in Chicago, Illinois, on September 1, 1875, Edgar Rice Burroughs grew to maturity during the height of the Industrial Revolution and witnessed the emergence of the United States as a twentieth-century world power. Hailing from a well-to-do family, Burroughs was given an aristocratic education steeped in Latin and Greek, but he was drawn more to an itinerant life of adventure than to a life in the boardroom. The author of Tarzan of the Apes (1912), Burroughs did not confine himself to a single genre; he also wrote medieval romances (The Outlaw of Torn, 1914), westerns (The War Chief of the Apaches, 1927), and mainstream novels (The Girl from Hollywood, 1922).

I'd never read anything by him, and I'm enjoying these. Turn-of-the-century (the last century) science fiction can be quaint, but the prose pops like a good pulp novel, which probably explains why the critics had disdain for it and the public loved it.

I am firmly on the bandwagon for this show. It would be a damn shame if it wasn't allowed to keep going, as this is the perfect show for the DVD format. We watched about six episodes in a row over the weekend, and the new episode last night directly referenced events from the ones we had seen from two seasons earlier. Star Trek never gave as close attention to continuity as Arrested Development does on a weekly basis. Everything about the show works. Carl Weathers playing himself, giving "acting lessons" just to get a free meal, and raving about how good the food is at Burger King. Later in the show the Bluths' lawyer (the usually annoying Henry Winkler) says "Well, I skipped breakfast, so I'm off to Burger King!"

If anyone ever rerecorded "Stumblin' In" by Suzi Quatro and Chris Norman, it would be a huge hit. But who could do it? I have to think about this...

It just occurred to me that only once in my life has my boss (direct supervisor) been a male.

Random jobs I've had and gender of boss:

Donut shop: Female
J. Crew: Female
Teaching assistant: Female
Research assistant: Female
Painting lines in parking lots: Male
Peace Corps: Female
College administration office assistant: Female
Museum desk worker: Female
Nonprofit intern: Female
Nonprofit publisher #1: Female
Nonprofit publisher #2: Female

I don't draw any conclusions from this list, other than I've done an okay job of avoiding manual labor most of my life. It's just interesting that over 90% of my bosses have been female.




Michael Jackson attempting to blow off court like a fifth grader skipping class was pretty funny. He either doesn't grasp the seriousness of his situation, or he's extremely confident that his money and celebrity will get him out of this in the end (which certainly may be the case). I'm not sure of his guilt or innocence (this time; the first instance a decade earlier is a different story). The family making the claims seem pretty sketchy too, but any family that thinks it's a good idea for their son to sleep in Michael Jackson's bed has their own issues already. But at least this case has added the term Jesus Juice to our lexicon. At least we have that.

A few months ago, my best friend and his wife asked me to write a letter of reference for them to an adoption agency. I did, and it went over well with the agency rep. Yesterday, my friend emailed and said the process is on hold because his wife is now pregnant! I had assumed she couldn't have kids, and that's why they were adopting. Apparently they had been trying for some time--which is why they were so far into the adoption process--and her pregnancy is a big (happy) surprise. (Big freaking shock is how I described it to my honey, but we don't need to tell them that.) They live a couple of hours away from us, incidentally, and that's why we hadn't known about it. She only three months along anyway, so it's not like if we were neighbors we would have seen anything out of the ordinary. I'm rambling. I haven't processed the information yet. Someone who I've known since I was four is going to be a father. Wow.

Reminder: Tonight is the episode of CSI with Wil Wheaton playing a homeless person who is slightly "off."

Not much more to say. My iPod is helping me survive this week's work stress. Random play is a wonderful thing.

I've been realllllllllllllllllllllllllly tense about a deadline at work, and it's become very noticable at home. We were watching $40 a Day last night, and Rachel Ray said she was going "Four Willin'" as she was stepping into a pink jeep. My wife looked at me and asked "Did she say 'four willin'?" I answered SHUT THE HELL UP I'LL KILL YOU!




No, I'm kidding. I said "God willin' she's going four willin'." I think you had to be there. The dog thought it was funny. Waitstaff must hate to see Rachel Ray coming as much as retaurant owners love to see her. Sure, it's great for business for her to come in and enjoy a meal and say your restaurant's name 50 times, but since she's on this $40 budget, her tips are crap. She always adds up the meal and includes tax and tip together, so you're not completely sure how much she tipped unless you know the tax rate in Arizona, but it hovers just between 10 and 15 percent. Hopefully the camera crew is at the next table ordering a lot of food and tipping 20%.

And why does Rachel love everything she eats on this show? Just once I'd like to see her take the locals' advice and go somewhere to have a meal so obviously bad she can't cover and just has to say "Okay, this place sucks."

I was browsing cafepress and ordered a t-shirt that has a cartoon of Uncle Rico's van and under it are the lines It's a free country. I can do whatever I want. Rock. On. Uncle. Rico.

Yesterday it was nearly 70 degrees. Today it's snowing and the wind is blowing about 30 mph. The snow is sticking more today than it did a few weeks ago when everyone was forecasting 6-10 inches. Idiots. Of course all the schools are open today, and there have been about 100 wrecks on the highway because people can't drive in snow. And the day they canceled schools before, kids were skateboarding on dry pavement.

Today would have been a great day to stay in bed and watch reruns of the show Monk. Darn my need to pay bills.

Finally watched Napoleon Dynamite over the weekend. It was a funny film, better, in my opinion, than Garden State (which I suppose I could only peripherally relate to, since I'm not a famous actor, and I don't have a raving drug problem). It had some really good lines in it. Not necessarily the ones that they meant to be "wacky and cool" catchphrases, but the lines you can take out of context and use them in any situation, such as:

Grandma says said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak.

It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.

The time machine doesn't work.

A 12-gauge, duh. They were attacking my cousin!

Your mom goes to college!

Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache.

Pedro offers you his protection.

So I'm joining the "I liked that movie" club a little late. Sue me. I don't jump on the bandwagon right away. I wait for the bandwagon to slow down so I can just walk on and not mess up my hair.

I got a migraine right at the end of Lost Wednesday night, probably no connection, so I took medication and went to bed. Last night my wife had a sinus headache. This cold weather with wacky humidity is playing havoc in our house!

A millionaire successfully flew nonstop solo around the world. Why do these records set by rich white men seem so insignificant? At least they've stopped putzing around with those stupid balloons. If I see one more billionaire in a balloon I'm going to puke. Why don't you take your balloon money and cure a disease, or design a portable machine that can turn seawater into drinking water or something? You'd be far more likely to be remembered for that than for being another wanker trying to live your life like an H.G. Wells novel. What century is this?

Looks like a weekend inside (at least Saturday: rain/snow mix/generally shitty weather day).

I love how that conservative group made an ad saying that the AARP is against our troops and for gay marriage. With 35 MILLION members ang growing, those guys don't know who they're fucking with. They're heading for an elderly beat-down, big time.

I have $15 in credit on iTunes, but every time I browse the music choices, I can't think of anything I want. Even the titles of obscure hits from the '70s are alluding me. Can anyone suggest any songs that are "must own," that my iPod needs to be complete?

Remember when I mentioned my wife got XM so she could listen to MORE public radio? Well, she let me play around with it and I discovered there's a lot on it I dig. So, last night we went to Circuit City and I picked up an XM SkyFi2 for myself. We got a dock for it, and it plugs into the back of the stereo, so now we have XM in our house. (I've decided against the car kit for now. My office is close enough to where I live that I don't really need it for that short a drive.)

What's good on it? They have a station of only African music, and in less than 10 minutes after turning to it, they played Tiken Jah Fakoly, the reggae artist from Ivory Coast I saw perform live in Burkina Faso, August 1999. He was amazing. He sang in a mixture of French, English, and Djula (local West African language) and he dressed like Obi Wan Kenobi (that's how I'd describe it, from my anglo-western perspective. All earth tones and flowing robes with hoods).

They also satisfy my '80s music fix, with stations called Fred, Ethyl, and Lucy; U Pop, for all the Global chart hits (you can here what's topping the charts in Finland); jazz; '60s soul; '70s R&B; etc. It's $6 a month since I'm added to La's plan.

Oh, Thanks for the good vibes, guys. I appreciate it.

Finally, and I want season 2 of Wonder Woman, okay? Linda Carter...Whoa.

Okay:

(1) A family friend (in her 20s) has had a cancer relapse and just had surgery and is starting chemo. She's engaged and supposed to get married in August.

(2) Over 100 people were killed by a car bomb in Iraq yesterday.

(3) My wife hasn't spoken to her best friend since February 10. They usually talk several times a day. I've heard both sides and think they both have legitimate complaints. I've stepped well out of it.

Yet my life continues in it's rambling pattern, with little concern for where it's going. Ever have the feeling you're invisible? Or everything is swirling around you while you stand still?