smacky and bucky

Animals seen walking around this weekend: skunk (move along pal. I don't want no trouble from you), groundhog, egret.

We watched Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Batman Begins this weekend. The Batman movie had two plot flaws I could see. I don't want to spoil it if you haven't seen it, so highlight the text in the paragraph below if you want to know...

One: Batman faces Scarecrow for the first time, gets a faceful of fear gas. Freaks out, recovers, has an antidote made. Then he goes to Arkham Asylum to save Katie Holmes (Sarah? Was that her name? She sucked). She gets blasted with the fear gas. Now Batman has to drive like a freaking demon to get back to the batcave to give her the antidote. The antidote that is in a small syringe that would easily have fit into his utility belt. WHY DIDN'T HE CARRY IT WITH HIM? Two: Okay, he doesn't take his mask off, but he repeats a stupid piece of fortune cookie wisdom Katie had said to Bruce Wayne earlier in the film, and she immediately says "Bruce? Is that you?" Why does Batman have to reveal his identity in EVERY movie? Dumb.

A headlight is out on my car. Some of you may recall that WAY back in January of this year, the other headlight went out and the owner's manual tells you that you can't change it yourself. You have to take it to the dealer and pay $95. TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB. But there are forums all over the Web discussing how to do it yourself, so I did, and I will again after work today.

Oh, and we're swapping bedframes, so the new bed will soon be lowered to a less ridiculous elevation.
One: I love you.

Wow, has this week been LONG. Between busy times at work, tons of errands to run, and only reruns on TV of the few shows I watch on a regular basis, I've had absolutely no frame of reference as to what day of the week it is.

The new bed: Its height is a bit ridiculous. We're going to get a lower bed frame. Last night it rather unnervingly felt as if I were lying at the top of a hill, one roll away from tumbling down the side. Thank goodness I hadn't been drinking!

Final bluelines should go back to the printer on book #3 for me this fall season. One more to go, running late, but completely author's fault.

Really busy again today, so I guess I'll just close with a semi-confession: I like the music of Melanie C (formerly Sporty Spice of the Spice Girls). She easily had the best voice in that group, and her solo albums sound a bit like the band Garbage, but more pop. I bought her newest CD (available only as an import) at the Virgin Megastore in NYC.

That's as deep a secret I'm up to sharing today.

My wife wanted a new mattress. She said the old one was too worn and she couldn't get comfortable on it. I didn't notice. I can sleep on the floor if I have to do it. She, however, is like the princess and the pea! She ended up picking out a mattress without me one evening (and since, as I previously stated, I can sleep anywhere, that's fine).

The store informed us over the weekend that it would be delivered this Thursday between 11:50 and 3:50. Okay, beyond the "WTF?" factor of how did they pick that weird time, why should one of us have to take half a day off to wait around the house? Another wrinkle: Laura has to give a huge presentation today for a possible multi-year contract, so now it's me that has to wait for the delivery. I called the store on Monday and asked if they could just call me when they are within an hour of delivery. That way, I could take a long lunch and stop at the house and let them in. "No problem," they tell me. Great.

This morning I get the call at 10:30 saying they are going to be at the house around 11:30. Excellent. I leave work and get home at 11:15. I call to confirm the time and the woman says "Okay, they'll be there between 11:50 and 3:50."

Waitaminute.

I received a call from you guys at 10:30 saying you would be at my house at 11:30.

She puts me on hold and says "Okay, the truck in en route to your house and should be there shortly." Great.

Fifteen minutes later, at 11:45, I receive another call from someone else. The delivery will be made in the next hour.

What?

I was just told the truck would be here any minute. "Okay, please hold..."

Ten minutes later: "There must have been some confusion with dispatch. The truck will be there in the next hour." Sigh.

At 12:40, the truck pulled up.

They made the delivery. The new boxspring and mattress seems to sit about a foot higher in the bedframe. What the heck? Our dog tried to jump up on it and only the front part of her body made it. I had to grab her and boost her up.

I locked the door and flew back to work.

I worked through lunch yesterday. That is so unlike me! I was coding a manuscript, using a new system I learned that morning, and it wasn't difficult, but it was tedious, requiring about 50 steps per chapter, 10 chapters, plus preface, introduction, and glossary. It was 1:30 before I glanced at the clock, my fingers cramping up.

It was good to keep busy though, because I quit smoking again. Yeah, I restarted a few months ago. It only took one to slip right back into it. I envy people who can have one now and then and not crave them. Stupid addictive cancer sticks. But I'm using these lozenges that pretty much stop the cravings, and I avoid the smoking places to avoid the triggers. I've been keeping my mind and my hands busy doing Sudoku puzzles in the evening. It's strange. I never smoked in the house, or even in my own car. It's always been an outdoor thing. Now I just have to find healthier ways to deal with tension.

Any ideas?

I'll admit, I'm doing it for my wife. I'm completely convinced that if I were still single, my diet would consist of nothing but cold pizza, hot coffee, cigarettes, and beer. So not only do I have to thank her for making me happy, but for stopping me from spiraling into the life of Charles Bukowski. (Look him up if you don't know him. Read some of his poetry. Read some of his short stories. He kept me sane through grad school.)

Oh, and the voice of the Jolly Green Giant died. No more Ho, Ho, Ho! Frozen and canned vegetables aren't nearly as good for you as fresh anyway, but both beat cigarettes, I suppose.

The Louis Vuitton bag was $700. It was CANVAS! At the time, I was carrying a messenger bag I had bought at Old Navy for $10. But they had recently sold their condo for a huge profit, and her husband is getting a new car this week, so she can get whatever she wants.

My biggest purchase in NY was a t-shirt with the Green Lantern logo on it. We still own at least one too many houses, and we're going to have to heat a few of them this winter, so we're not really in the mood for a shopping spree.

Oh... what a busy weekend. Should have had more water and less alcohol. But that's the nature of weddings, right?

We caught the train Thursday afternoon, got in to Penn station at 8:30, took the subway to Port Authority, transferred to #7 train and went to Grand Central station, walked remaining way to hotel: Millennium UN Plaza (Click the link. The picture on the main page is the view from the window of our room on the 35th floor!). We hung out at the hotel with two other sisters, one the bride-to-be.

Friday we headed downtown to Soho and Chelsea. Wandered around the city (in the rain) for hours, had pizza for lunch. I made it to Jim Hanley's Universe (1.5 miles from hotel, but since it's across from Empire State building, I could easily track my progress block to block.) They had a Flash Gordon shirt exactly like the one Sam Jones wore in the 1980 movie (white shirt with red ringer and red "Flash" across the front). Unfortunately, they only had the shirt in extra large, and since it's pre-shrunk, it would have fit me like a minidress. Bummer. The search continues.

Friday night we all headed to Brooklyn for the rehearsal dinner (aka: the first chance to have bride's and groom's families to meet) at Bamonte's. It's old school Italian, opened in 1900(!) and the they have the same waiters to prove it (I heard that joke three times that night, and the review in the link makes it too. haha...). A million courses, a lot of red wine.

Saturday we watched another of my wife's sisters (between a divorce and two new marriages, she has 5 sisters) pay an enormous amount for a Louis Vuitton handbag. Yes, it was real. She bought it at their store on 5th Avenue. I'm so glad Laura's taste in purses runs in the $20 range.

Saturday afternoon we (the family of the bride) climbed into a limo (How Phil Collins! My wife and I have a joke: Whenever we see a limo in DC, if it's a black one, it can be any big name star, but if it's a white limo, it has to be Phil Collins. No logic behind it really.) and weaved our way to a loft in DUMBO (Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass) , Brooklyn. Tremendous view of the Brooklyn Bridge at night. But the driver got lost and we ended up being 45 minutes late. The bride held up pretty well considering the driver was circling blocks until he found the right street.

The wedding was very sweet (and short. Yay!). The bride's acting coach married them (We all found out later that they had had a civil ceremony at the courthouse a month earlier, so this makes the second "fake" wedding we've attended (the first being a friend of Laura's)!

The food at the reception was all Hors' Dourves, which was fine, except that at the end of the night, it's a slightly unpleasant feeling to have filled up on shrimp, and sushi, and figs with gargonzola cheese, and I can't even remember what else. Lots of dancing, lots of drinking, killer hangover in the morning. I don't drink to excess anymore, but I gave my liver a workout that night, and my brain was paying the price Sunday morning. Ouch.

By the time we went to catch the train home early afternoon Sunday, I was bleary eyed but no longer in pain. Arrived back in DC around 4:30, home by 5, to a joyous dog and two happy cats. They had survived the long weekend without us (they had two visits a day from a sitter. Don't think we just left food on the floor, okay? We're not like that!).

Now there's just one unmarried sister, and she had her serious boyfriend along, so we might be flying to Portland, Oregon in the next year to attend another one of these things.

Okay, the ice cream finale didn't live up to the hype, obviously, so for the sake of Monstee's sanity: She got a single scoop of mint chocolate chip in a cone, and I got a small chocolate Malaysia*, which I didn't finish.

This afternoon we leave for NYC! Also today, one of my books should be going to the printer!!!

So yeah, today is a good day.

I will be stopping by Jim Hanley's Universe. I found out he is my mother-in-law's first cousin, making him my wife's first cousin, once removed (and mine, by marriage). Could there be a family discount? Probably not, but maybe when he sees me with a huge pile of back issues of Liberty Meadows, he'll relent.

My wife is taking the camera, so hopefully I'll have a pic or two to post of the big city.

* I did a spell check, and they suggested I change milkshake to Malaysia, so I said "Hey, why not?" I haven't lost my mind.

Lola picked an awesome Chinese restaurant for her birthday dinner. We then stopped by Best Buy so she could browse the digital cameras. I took the opportunity to grab Land of the Dead (unrated edition; in widescreen, naturally). I never saw it in the theater. I don't have any horror movie buddies living in the area anymore. (What a drag!) I'm going to watch it after work, and before my wife gets home, thus the title of today's post.) I also picked up Batman - The Complete 1943 Movie Serial Collection for $14.99. It sits next to my copy of Batman and Robin - The Complete 1949 Movie Serial Collection.

Do you find it annoying that sometimes half of the reviews on Amazon.com are written before the product is even released?

"This is gonna rock! Five stars!"

"Thanks for finally bringing this to DVD!!!"

You have to wade through pages of that stuff before finding the one that says "The sound distorts 30 minutes into the DVD" (for example).


We also stopped for ice cream on the way home.

Today is my wife's birthday. We're going out to dinner... somewhere. I'm not being coy. She hasn't decided where she wants to go. (Yes, on one hand I suppose it would be romantic if your spouse took you somewhere as a surprise, but what if s/he had an urge for Chinese food and you picked an Italian place? I think in cases like these, it's nice (and safe) to let her pick the place.) There's a lot to choose from around here, and I think she's still browsing restaurant reviews on the web.

I got her some gifts, with the understanding that she also gets to upgrade her digital camera and go on a spree of some sort in NYC this weekend. (Please don't think I rule the finances in the house. I'm an editor, she's a vice president. Based on titles alone, who do you think makes more?)

The last time we were in New York was early December last year. Should be nice this time, a little less bitterly cold. We actually have a little more free time this time too, rehearsal dinner and a wedding to attend aside. I'll take some pics this weeknd and post them.


Remember Charlie Rocket? He played Bruce Willis's brother on Moonlighting, and is probably most infamous for being fired after saying "fuck" on Saturday Night Live during a parody sketch about the "Who Shot J.R.?" mania that was going on at the time (1981). He was found in a field with his throat cut, and the medical examiner has ruled it a suicide. [Sidebar: DAMN! What a way to do it. Elliot Smith stabbed himself in a chest a few years ago. It must take a lot of depression/self loathing to do it in such an aggressively active manner.] I'll remember him in his role in the John Candy film Delirious, as the soap opera actor with the patch on his eye. It used to come on basic cable about 15 times a month.

Watching Alien Apocolypse this morning before heading out for a day of errands. Bruce Campbell is the man. The movie is basically Planet of the Apes, except subsitute alien termites for the apes.

I'm still loving the show Lost, but I have a general question: Has Michelle Rodriguez ever played a role that didn't require her to be an unlikable jerk for the first 70 percent of her time on-screen? She always plays it that way. Michelle shows up part-way through the film, is introduced as a bad-ass that you can't stand, then she does something noble and the protagonist gives her grudging respect before they finally embrace and become friends. I'm basing all of this on her roles in Resident Evil and Blue Crush, by the way. I've only seen those two films she was in. Of course, her other films include S.W.A.T., The Fast and the Furious, and Girlfight, so it's probably a safe bet she won't be appearing in any Merchant-Ivory period dramas like Howards End or A Room with a View any time soon.

We're staying in town this weekend, since we're going to NYC the following weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding. Did you know that by marriage I'm now distantly related to this man? Geek stuff is in my blood. Aw man, and the cast of the Fantastic 4 movie came to his store, including Dr. Freaking Doom, and Jessica Alba (sigh...).

My wife has geek tendencies too, though she tries to hide them. We watched the show Commander in Chief the other night since there was nothing else on. We pretty much mocked it the entire time. Anyway, she sent an email to ABC pointing out that when a speaker starts improvising during a speech, the teleprompter automatically pauses so the speaker can pick up the text where she left off. On the show, however, when President Geena shoots off on a tangent, the teleprompter starts going faster, like someone is scrolling through a microfiche looking for where she is in the speech. My wife knows this because they've shot so many videos for the military, and a lot of those guys aren't public speakers. The fact that she cared enough to send an email definitely treads into the geek waters.

Way back in October 2004 (in my first post in this blog, as a matter of fact!) I mentioned that scientists had found a dwarf-like skeleton in a cave on an island near Australia. Well, the journal Nature is publishing a new report on another batch of bones found. This time the term "Hobbit-like species" actually made the headline: It's reported here on CNN.com. Unsurprisingly, some scientists are not convinced this is actually a species. Maybe the diet on the island caused dwarfism? Now if we could only find the island with the seven-foot-tall women...

Wow, I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I walked away from my birthday with a huge pile of stuff. Laura's family came, and my parents visited, and it looked like my birthday had become some sort of national holiday without my knowledge. I even got a few gift cards in the off chance there was something I didn't receive. (I honestly can't think of anything I expressed an interest in I didn't get.)

A few words of wisdom I picked up over the three-day weekend:

• Straddle the dead possum. Always good advice when you're driving down those country roads. I don't know what sort of lottery possums enter to decide who lives and who dies, but a lot of them never make it to the other side.

• Wrinkled or Hawaiian. What most of my shirts at the river house are (much to my wife's chagrin).

I have a a little more shopping to do for Laura's birthday after work. The second season of Arrested Development comes out today.

This has been a long week. Yesterday I was so busy my coffee sat untouched until noon, when I touched it to pour it out. So what, you think to yourself? Well, I get to work at 7, so I usually have a good hour of quiet time to have coffee and read work emails. Yesterday this was not to be. I received a long distance call and was on the phone for well over an hour discussing/arguing about/resigning myself to proposed last-minute changes an author wants to make to a manuscript. Talked her out of the biggest, while fighting the urge to scream "NO, we're not doing that! That's dumb!" I think she could sense my frustration level, since she kept apologizing and telling me how patient I was with her. Yes, I'm quite the gentleman.

It's all going to work out, though, and the book is going to look amazing. I think the subject matter and design will appeal to our target audience (shut-ins on a fixed income who like Paul Harvey. Just kidding).

Speaking of books, my blog buddy Kate has edited a collection of stories called Short Attention Span Mysteries. I'm proud and a little envious. I haven't worked with fiction before, as non-profits don't have much call for it. Editing fiction is a different horse from nonfiction, going beyond fact-checking and grammar. Fiction takes the emotional response of the reader into account. With nonfiction, we ask "How does this help the reader?" And fiction asks "How does this make the reader feel?"

Three-day weekend, and my birthday is on Sunday, so it fell on the perfect date. Looks like rain all weekend, so maybe we'll finally have a chance to watch Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I bought it the day it came out, but wanted to watch it at the river, where we have the big TV. Then I repeatedly forgot to bring it when we came.

We'll be celebrating my wife's birthday this weekend too, since her birthday is on the 18th (a Tuesday. Yuck!). She and I will also celebrate on her actual birthday too, since that's important to her. As for me, I don't really consider my birthday a big deal. I mean, in the least accurate estimation possible, if we assume there are 6 billion people on Earth, divided by 365 days in the year, about 16,438,356 people share my birthday (and each of yours too). I'm not turning 21, or 30, (or 40), so it's not a milestone birthday in that respect either. But when I think things like this, I tell myself to stop overthinking and just have a good time. People want to celebrate the day, so it's as much about them as it is about me. I'm not morbid about birthdays or anything like that. All right. Let's wind up this week.

Wayne Manor, the stately home of millionaire Bruce Wayne (in the 1960's TV show, at least) burned down. It was being remodeled by the owners (not Mr. Wayne), so it was vacant at the time. Witnesses reported hearing maniacal laughter following an explosion that shot flames into the air [Okay, I'm just embellishing now. We know it couldn't be Firefly. That's way to obvious. But the Joker has a thing for high explosives.]

Today at 2pm I am going to the dentist to get my gold crown, so I can officially change my name to Smacky McBlingbling. (Or not.)

I have to go copy a manuscript now, so it's time to camp in from of the copier for an hour (it's a long book, and the copier likes to jam).

I have no idea if they're reliable, but DVD Pacific is having a huge sale on their website. The selection of the cheapest DVDs is like browsing the dumpster bins at your local Wal-Mart, and some of the movies I chose solely because I recognized the name of one of the actors, but at 89 CENTS EACH I figured I'd take a chance. Some of them (musicals and westerns) will make good "padding" gifts for the in-laws. You know what padding gifts are, right? It's when you're close enough to someone that you're obligated to purchase him or her multiple gifts, but only one of the batch is considered the "good" gift. The others count only to "pad" the number of gifts and can be (and preferably are) cheap.

Here's what I ordered:

1. God Told Me To $0.89
2. Idaho Transfer $0.89
3. Number 17 $0.89
4. Seniors $0.89
5. Assassin $0.89
6. Cry of the Innocent $0.89
7. High Risk $0.89
8. One Eyed Jacks $0.89
9. Agency $0.89
10. Hellbenders $0.89
11. Against All Hope $0.89
12. Royal Wedding $0.89
13. Mind Snatchers $0.89
14. Pajama Game $0.89
15. Disappearance of Flight 412 $0.89
16. Tuareg the Desert Warrior $0.89
17. Suddenly $0.77
18. Molly And Lawless John $0.89
19. Deadly Companions, The $0.89

I don't expect a lot out of these movies, but occasionally you stumble on a hidden gem. A few months ago at a dollar store I picked up Corrupt Lieutenant, starring Harvey Keitel and John Lydon (AKA Johnny Rotton!). It's an odd film, with John (in his only real acting role) the rich student trying to blackmail Harvey the cop. Let's just say John spends a lot of time tied up in Harvey's apartment as a result. The back of the paper envelope in which the DVD had been packaged said nothing about the movie's background. I did a little research and discovered the movie had been released in 1983 under the title Copkiller (one word). The change in title on the DVD meant stores would stock it ("Copkiller" isn't a popular title for some reason), and it allowed the company releasing this DVD to confuse people thinking they were buying the later Harvey Keitel movie Bad Lieutenant.

The drive down on Friday afternoon was fine. We talked most of the way, which surprised me. Saturday we went kayaking. When we returned I jumped in the river, then ran up the hill and jumped in the pool. On the first day of October, the river was cold. The pool was even colder.

Sunday we went on long boat ride in the bay. We met up with my father-in-law's college roommate. His sailboat is very nice. We were all coveting bigtime. Wished him a good cruise and headed back to land(wistfully).

My parents are coming to visit next weekend to celebrate our birthdays (my wife and I have birthdays 9 days--and three years--apart).

Oh, one of my favorite sites, Retrocrush.com, does podcasts now! I downloaded a bunch and listened to them most of the drive home yesterday evening. Among the highlights: A commercial with Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble discussing their love of Winston Cigarettes, an interview with one of the girls from "The Facts of Life" (the first season at the girls' school, before the show was retooled and half the girls [including her and Molly Ringwald(!)] were fired), and a series of emails from Insane Clown Posse fans read aloud, each threatening to beat his ass because he said the band sucked.

And finally, watch "Arrested Development" tonight. The guest star is Scott Biao!!