smacky and bucky

I went to one of those discount stores (Marshall's or Ross) to get some cheap Star Wars figures for my nephew. While I was walking to the register I caught a glimpse of something on a shelf at eye level and it stopped me in my tracks.


It is a life-size bust of Elvis Presley. I mean, really, actual size. The box was HUGE. That's not all, though. Not by a long shot. It was animatronic. It played music and the bust moved its eyes and lips along. Now, I didn't get to see this. I just read the side of the box.


It has real hair, even for the eyebrows. The creepiest feature it has is you can turn it to "room monitor mode" and have it speak Elvis phrases when someone enters the room or you can set it to "random mode" and the Elvis bust will speak Elvis catchphrases whenever it feels like it. Like in the middle of the night. When it's dark and you're almost asleep. And it scares you to death.



His sideburns are perfectly symmetrical. As freaking creepy as it is, I was in fact momentarily tempted by it. It was marked $44.00, down from the list price of $250.00! If my wife was more into kitch, and wouldn't mind it being the centerpiece of our home (because what are you going to do, hide this in the guest room? No way!) then maybe I would have given it more serious consideration.

But Christmas is for giving, not receiving, so I had to be satisfied with taking a few pictures and sighing wistfully. As I walked away, I swore I could hear him whisper to me, "Take me with you, Jack!" I sped up and didn't look back.