smacky and bucky

Hey guys, I'm alive. Most of you know that. Maybe I should start posting again. I miss it. I miss all of you.

The four-year-old and the two-year-old attended a superhero birthday party at the park on Saturday morning. The oldest was so excited. He received a new Batman costume from Amazon the night before and tried it on and ran around, laughing. The youngest was dressed as Superman and was equally excited.

We got to the park the next morning and the other boys at the party weren't wearing costumes, only t-shirts with superheros on them. After a few minutes running around, the oldest came up to me and said "I want to take the costume off."

Now, it may have been because it was hard to climb on the playground equipment with the cape, but I suspect it was that he didn't want to be the only one of his friends in full costume. He had a superhero t-shirt on under it, so he took the costume off and fit right in. But a little part of me was so sad to see peer pressure in action at such a young age.

Feeling optimistic. Not questioning it.

It's been like "Well, we made it through this month, things have got to get better," and "we made it through this week, things have got to get better." And the next thing you know it's been a year and things still kind of suck, and then you realize that that's life.

And even when momentous things happen (like the death of a parent) and they make you realize what's important, you feel that awareness a very short time, and then you get sucked back into the drudgery, the mire of life, and you occasionally remember that the people at your job are paying you to care about things. Things that are not life. That are not "big picture" important.

And I feel like I'm skating on thin ice, at home and at work.

Snapped at H. this morning. Wife got mad about it. Told at work today that my work on a project was substandard (in so many words). Over cooked spaghetti at dinner, wife found it inedible.
Shining light of the day? Reading a Highlights magazine with H, reading a few books with both boys, and then both of them falling asleep before 8 p.m.

Having a beer and watching "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" on DVD.

Man, today kinda sucked.

The few people who read this will likely already know my father died a bit after midnight on January 9. He'd been ill since Thanksgiving, but the final end was still a shock.

Hug your loved ones.

Definition of melancholy: H was playing this song this morning as I was dressing for my first day back to work after two weeks off:



Thanks kid. Hitting where it hurts today!